Oh my god-time for the subjunctive has come!

What follows has some hard-core grammar in it. You may not want to show it to children under 13.

When you speak English, you get stuck with facts. We Englishers speak in (what grammarians call) the indicative mode almost all the time (in fact, I am right now). Indicative is for talking about “objective facts.” We don’t do much of anything else in English. We fact, fact, fact, constantly suffering from indicative fact disease even when, in truth, we lie our butts off.

Listen to FoxTV. You get continuous indicative objective facts piled way too high.  And how much truth is in this pile? Not much.  But it is all indicative as hell!

English grammar shows that objective facts need not be be true. Anything can be true if you say it in indicative-heavy English: your kid can be student of the month, we can be number one, you can get rich with that limp idea of yours. It’s not your fault you think you are going to make it when you have the brains of a road-kill possum , the emotional control of a meth-addict Chihuahua and the cluelessness of FoxTV watcher. English grammar did it to you.

We need to put subjunctive into English.

Then we can tell true facts from the faith-based ones.

In Spanish they mark verbs in doubtful sentences by putting them in the subjunctive. Technically it is not hard to do. Flip-floping the verb tells you the listener that something is not right with what you hear. If a verb normally ends with an A then they flip it to an E, and if it normally ends with an E then they flop it into an A. Hear it flipped or hear it flopped- beware: doubt, emotion and lies follow.

You can’t flip flop English because we have too many ways to end our verbs. Spanish only has three.

So we need some other language tricks. I think we need to look a bit farther to find our truth markers when we talk. Some languages use prefixes. I say lets just put a big warning sign in the front of every sentence that is shaky. What can we put there?

Since everyone born since 1990 already says OMG to start every other sentence, maybe we can co-opt the useless God phrase and make it mean something. My rule: If you OMG, then you lie or doubt, if you don’t , you are a straight arrow (as we used to say when people were honest all the time )

I think that is the answer. OMG I have figured it all out and OMG no more unmarked lies, especially from OMG teen girls.